the condom got lost in my hair
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There r osticjed everywhere
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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