no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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