i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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