I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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