I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
