i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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