Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
