Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
