getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
