I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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