The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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