So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
