She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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