It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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