My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
