Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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