know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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