I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
