she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
