Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
