if i can run in heels then i can drive
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
