you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
