I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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