life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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