Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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