Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
