I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
