I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
