I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
