she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
