I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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