are you still at the devil's house?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
