Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's never too late to be topless.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
