My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
