she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
