Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
