perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
