I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
