Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
