The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
