I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
