In America we eat man semen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
