Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
