I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
