Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
