On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
