I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
