the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
