Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
