drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
