guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
