if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
