That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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