News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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